Emma has graciously decided to answer a few questions about zombies. She is answering honestly, so please do not make fun of her. All of this is REAL. (heheheheh - yes real! *cough*)
Kristen: If you saw a zombie, what would your reaction be?
Emma: I'd probably stare and attempt to form words but fail.
Kristen: Would you expect that zombie to be fast or slow?
Emma: Slow. It's more scary that way.
Kristen: Let's say the zombie sees you, is headed right for you. What do you do?
Emma: Stay where I am and stammer Z-zom-zom-zom.
Kristen: If you had a weapon near you, what would you prefer it to be in the case of needing to attack a zombie?
Emma: How are you supposed to kill a zombie? Probably a knife so I could behead it. Not sure if that would work, though.
Kristen: Let's say this zombie is the HOTTEST zombie you've ever laid eyes on.. would you hesitate to behead it?
Emma: Probably, but only so I can stare at it a bit longer.
Kristen: And what would you do if that HOT zombie laid a nice juicy wet kiss on your lips? (or rather dry and moldy...)
Emma: Accept the kiss and then stab it in the back. Literally.
Kristen: Since we all know stabbing zombies in the back won't kill it... what would you do next.. since he's still quite attached to your lips?
Emma: Separate lips and behead. If that works. Or I'll do whatever works.
Kristen: Alright, zombie dead. You look up and well, there's a dozen more zombies closing in. What's your first instinct?
Emma: Slap myself and scream WAKE UP.
Kristen: And if that doesn't make them go away?
Emma: Drop to floor and go to fetal position.
There's sounds of drooling grunts, a scream or two and then suddenly nothing.
Kristen: *gulps* So, now, you're a zombie. What are you thinking?
Emma: Awesome. I get to eat brains.
Kristen: What's your favorite kind of brains?
Emma: The massive kind. Yummyyyy.
Kristen: Alright, now how many brains does it take to get to the center of a lolipop... I mean ... until you're satiated?
Emma: Depends on how long I've gone without feeding. Three on a good day, seven average, twelve when ravenous.
Kristen: Alright, you've spotted a small human and a big human walking together, still live. What do you do?
Emma: Start with the big ones brains. Then fight off the small human.
Kristen: Now, tough question here. Would you EVER slow dance with a human?
Emma: I wouldn't as a human, and I wouldn't as a zombie. Unless I was ravenous and slow dancing would distract it.
Kristen: Brilliant of you. Thanks for those answers! *walks slowly away, throwing some sort of dead meat at the Emma zombie to distract her*
And there you go people, some zombies do retain some sort of basic human speech.. at least.. for the first few minutes.
*looks over her shoulder* Yeah, um.. gotta go peeps. *Runs as fast as she can from the horde of zombies*